Protecting our children is what we – as parents – should be doing best. We want to make sure they’re childhood is free of any pain, fear or harm. It’s the reason why we go to great lengths to enroll them in the best schools, programs and activities. We want the best of this and that and that, and all to make sure they’re better off than us.

But what if study shows that going through a little hardship isn’t such a bad thing. In fact, a little suffering might actually make them a better person. This isn’t to say that parents should purposely seek out ways to harm their families, but that there’s always a silver lining somewhere – always.

Dr. Mark Seery, from the Department of Psychology at the University at Buffalo, is one of the authors of the study, “Whatever Does Not Kill Us: Cumulative Lifetime Adversity, Vulnerability and Resilience,” and he shared with YUM a few great tips on how to cope with the bad side of parenting.

YUM: What were some of the negative experiences that the people – with the best outcomes – described?

Dr. Seery: We counted the total number of instances across all events that people had experienced. The key finding was not that certain types of events were necessarily associated with doing better or worse over time, but instead that total number of events mattered. People with a history of some events – not none, but not a high number, either – tended to be the best off.

Here is the complete list of events that we assessed:

• Suffered a serious accident or injury
• Were physically attacked or assaulted
• Serious accident or injury of a loved one
• Suffered a serious illness
• Serious illness of a loved one
• Witnessed someone (other than a family member) being injured or killed
• Witnessed family member injured or killed
• Been coerced with threats of harm to yourself or your family
• Experienced forced separation from family/children
• Had combat experience
• Death of your spouse/partner
• Death of your mother
• Death of your father
• Death of your brother or sister
• Death of your grandparent
• Death of your child
• Death of a friend
• Lost someone close to you due to suicide
• Lost someone close to you due to homicide
• Got divorced yourself
• Experienced your parents’ divorce
• Experienced serious financial difficulties (i.e., no money for food or shelter)
• Experienced a major fire, flood, earthquake, or any natural disaster in your community
• Suffered a loss in a major fire, flood, earthquake, or any natural disaster in your community
• Experienced a tragedy or disaster in your community caused by people (a shooting, bombing, etc.)
• Suffered a loss in a tragedy or disaster in your community caused by people (a shooting, bombing, etc.)
• Lived in dangerous housing or neighborhood
• Been discriminated against because of your ethnicity, religious background, or sexual orientation
• Been exposed to dangerous chemicals or biological agents
• Were neglected (as a child) by your parent(s)
• Being physically harmed as a child (hit hard enough to leave a bruise or mark, kicked, burned, etc.)
• Witnessed violence between your parents as a child
• Been hit or pushed by your partner/spouse
• Been shamed, embarrassed, or told repeatedly that you are “no good”
• Had someone touch or feel private areas of your body or touched/felt another’s private areas under force or threat
• Had sexual relations under force or threat
• Had an unwanted pregnancy

Y: Please define what is the “ability to cope” as mentioned in your study. How can people draw on this ability to rise above their negative experiences? Is this something that could be taught, (i.e. a parent to a child)?

DS: Although our results show that people who have experienced some adversity tend to be better off in a variety of ways relative to people who have experienced no adversity or a great deal of adversity, at this point we can only speculate about exactly why this happens. One possible explanation is that exposure to some adversity can “toughen” people, relative to exposure to either no adversity or a great deal of adversity.

This quality of toughness is thought to result in psychological and physiological changes that make people more likely to perceive stressful situations in general as manageable rather than overwhelming, and also to cope effectively with them. This, in turn, could lead to better outcomes in the future, whether dealing with major adversity or daily hassles.

Importantly, both sheltering from all stress and continuous exposure to stress should fail to develop toughness. This parallels the development of physical fitness from aerobic exercise: Just as the body requires exertion to improve fitness, there is no opportunity for toughness to develop if someone has never coped with stress; likewise, physical overexertion can be harmful, and too much stress disrupts toughening. Adverse life events should not be the only kind of stress that can contribute to developing toughness, but they may be one example.

An interesting and important question has to do with how else toughness can be developed. It could be the case, for example, that facing more mundane challenges could have a similar effect. We need more research to better understand this.

Y: You mentioned that participants in the study were able to learn and get help when they needed it by utilizing their social networks. What social networking do people test when undergoing a negative experience? Could parents do the same?

DS: In addition to what I said above, it is very possible that multiple, complementary explanations can be simultaneously at work. For example, experiencing some adversity may help people to learn what methods of coping work best for them, as well as to learn how to effectively seek support from other people and who can be counted on to provide such support. Ultimately, we need additional research to understand exactly how such processes might work.

Y: What suggestions do you give parents, based on the results from this study?

DS: I think these findings can offer encouragement to people who are going through a tough situation. Things may seem bad now, but there really can be a silver lining. Not only might the current difficulty eventually dissipate, but it’s possible to emerge better off than you were before. According to our results, experiencing even very serious, negative adversity can help someone to be more likely to be resilient – and thus better off – in the future.

Friends and family often times tell me they have no idea how I get so much done in one day.

I honestly have no idea what they are talking about. To me, being a single YUM, employee, student and blogger (to put it simply) is what I do.

Starting with the sound of my iPhone alarm clock piercing through my precious slumber – Mondays thru Fridays - reminding me to get ready for my morning workout.

With almost 6 years experience of being a YUM, I’ve learned helpful tricks to ensure I actually get out of bed and don’t just roll over and hit the snooze button. I’ve learned that by placing my alarm clock on the other side of the room, I’m ensuring that I literally get out of bed, walk across the room and turn it off. Another benefit of placing my phone on the other side of the room, well it also helps ensure I don’t spend hours in bed texting or social networking when I really should be sleeping.

After cardio, weight-lifting and showering, I begin making breakfast for Leilani, my five and a half year old daughter, and myself.

The next hour is a whirlwind of packing lunches, gathering homework, making her change from a skirt into jeans (because it’s 30 degrees outside) and me trying to remember what classes I have to attend that day.

I believe the combination of being the middle of five siblings and having my daughter very young has enabled me to multi-task and stay on top of things diligently.

It wasn’t always like that though, and I still have my days where I completely forget to do an assignment or nights when I feed Leilani cereal for dinner; as cliché as it may sound, the way to deal with multiple roles is planning and a lot of list making.

I literally makes lists to keep track of other lists.

While others may find a list stressful, I find them very helpful and almost therapeutic. There is nothing like crossing things off – task by task, as well as the priceless end of the day feeling of seeing all you’ve accomplished in one day staring back at you.

Thankfully my job is at school and on campus so there’s no commuting time. I work three days a week doing administrative work in the “Orientation and New Student” office at school. While the work can be a bit repetitive, it’s surprisingly a break from life. I get to socialize with like-minded students and it’s also a helpful way for me to make friends in the city, being that I only moved here a year ago. However, even while at work I’m still making list. Lists about what post to start on for the following week, what chores I have left to do at home, what assignments and test I may have coming up, what Leilani needs, anything really.

One extremely helpful startling realization I’ve made is, there are more days in the week then days in the weekend.

Often times, we get stuck in believing that leaving all of the “other stuff” for the weekend is our best bet. In reality, putting off grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning and any other chore of that nature only guarantees that you’ll be stressed on the days you should be resting. It might sound crazy, but by doing some of those chores during the weekdays, I open up my weekends to more possibilities and less stress.

By spacing out my chores through the week, I allow for more time to do homework and write a few blog posts. When it comes to blogging, I’ve found that writing multiple posts at a time is more time efficient and also solves the writer’s block problem. The host site of my blog has the wonderful option of me scheduling a time and date for the post to be published. That way if I’m having a very hectic week, I’m still up to date on my blogging.

Another trick I’ve learned is the beauty of bribing for earlier bedtime hours.

I tell Leilani if she’s showered, has her teeth brushed, and is in bed by 8:00 pm, I’ll read her up to four bedtime stories. If she’s in bed at 9:00 pm, she gets one book. Anytime after that and she gets none. The earlier she goes to bed the sooner I can get to homework, blogging and a few moments of relaxation before bed.

On weekends, I try to focus primarily on spending undivided time with Leilani. As a mother I can’t believe it’s been almost six yeas since she came into this world. Children grow up too fast and while having that report or research paper done is very important, I always keep in mind the reason why I’m working so hard is my daughter. If I don’t make time to be with her, then all of the work I’m doing now is useless. I don’t want to be the parent that worked so hard in the early years of their child’s life that when it’s time to reap the rewards of all of that hard work they don’t even know their own children.

While it may sound like I have everything figured out – I’m far from it.

I have my tricks and ways of getting things done, but sometimes I still have an extra dirty room or miss study groups. However, as long as I’m laying in bed at 8:00 pm with my best friend – whom is not only my inspiration, but most importantly – my daughter, that’s all that matters to me.

Gloria Malone a student, employee, YUM and the creator of the fabulous blog, Teen Mom in New York City. You can follow Gloria on Twitter @GloriaMalone.

This week, many are celebrating National Fresh Squeezed Juice in the U.S. and we want to join in on the fun! Welch’s Grape Juice is not what’s traditionally celebrated this week, but this delicious drink deserves to be part of the national juice week festivities nonetheless. Yes, we modified the rules for this one.

Growing up, Welch’s was a delicious treat for me. It came in this sleek, adorable glass bottle. Not only that, the taste was strong and potent, and felt like you could do so much with it (think in kid terms) – like mix with the fruit punch or ice vanilla ice cream for a smoothie treat. I’ve tried a few of these with my daughter, who loves to also create her own concoctions in the kitchen. Although it’s a little messy, it’s also fun, healthy and maybe (just maybe) delicious.

Now, as a mom, I realize the healthy benefits that come with this brand too. Did you know that  drinking Welch’s 100% Grape Juice can benefit the heart? Also, and this one will benefit all YUMs with a fancy for wine, many of the polyphenols in Concord grapes are the same as those found in red wine. Polyphenols are those antioxidants research has shown are good for your heart. To learn more about how Welch is good for your family, visit the company’s  Family Vine Tool. You could also learn more about the most important ingredient – Concord Grapes – and how these improve the heart, immune system and cognitive health, visit the Concord Grape Science Henter.

What are some of your memories with childhood treats?

Below we share some “Welch’s Mocktails” recipes you can create with your family. Now go on, create some Welch memories of your own.

After speaking with a close girlfriend about her dating frustrations, I posed a few questions to my female Twitter followers about dating and sex.

I wanted to check on the dating game, since I’ve been out of the scene for at least 10 years. My girlfriend said things aren’t the same as it used to be, and that I wouldn’t be able to understand how everything works now.

But how much of a difference could a decade make?

I decided to do my own little research, and asked some other young urban moms online a few questions to catch me up on the dating game.

When I was younger (before motherhood), my strategy for selecting a boyfriend was to spend time with a man without being intimate for as long as I could to see if he really liked me. At the time, that was the best strategy I could come up with and it strategy worked for me. However, I know not everyone feels the same.

I started my questions with the basic: How long should a woman wait before having sex with a man that she’s interested in and wants as a boyfriend? A few young ladies were similar to me, and thought that we must first know and interact with the man before we get to know him intimately. Some women, on the other hand, were more specific with their time frames and religiously adhered to that number. Other women were the exact opposite and provided me with answers like, “If the chemistry is right, it can happen whenever the time is right.” Some women stated they couldn’t make it through a month with a love interest without intimacy. While others noted a mental/intellectual attraction to a man would cause them to wait. My favorite response, however, was that a woman “should wait until she’s ready to deal with whatever consequences may come from the encounter.”

I can definitely co-sign with that, because it’s responsible.

I took my research a little further, and asked my team of experts whether this “waiting game” affected the outcome of a relationship. Does the amount of time a woman waits increases the chances of her successfully finding a long-term mate?

Answers varied and ranged from everything like it depends on what I want out of the relationship to that didn’t affect the success of the relationship, while others believed that all you have to do is give off the vibe that you’re the one and can offer everything he imagines so the waiting didn’t matter. I’m not sure if I can support the vibing theory on selecting a long-term mate. I like to determine my decisions on actions better, preferably the action and commitment of remaining in the relationship although intimacy has not yet occurred yet.

So then the question needs to be posed as to – what is intimacy? Is getting to know someone part of intimacy, or do you get to know someone becoming intimate? The majority of women agreed with me that intimacy is not part of getting to know a man, instead you should get to know the man to become intimate. There seemed to be a clear distinction between getting to know someone and pure physical attraction. An observation was made that the pure, physical attraction type of sex was not as intense as the sex between two adults who knew/trusted each other well. I can also agree with this observation, because trust elevates intimacy to another level.

Finally, I asked if by having sex with someone were you implying that you trust them with your life?

Personally, I equate sex with life. Sex can not only create a life, but also take life away with the diseases that are floating around. Through this Q&A, I was shocked to find so many woman not link the two together. More than half of the woman didn’t trust their partners with their life, but yet they would have sex with them. As a mother, my main priority is being around to support and provide for my family. I can’t imagine taking risks that could possibly take me away from them. Overall, I learned that in the current dating game trust, sex and dating are all being compartmentalized, and that my girlfriend was right – things have changed.

You can follow Mrs. L Smith on Twitter @md20737.

There are thousands books, workshops, and specialists dedicated to making the work-life balance idea actually work for families.

Yet, when you’re a young mom like me, you wonder whether there’s anything that could possibly help your situation. In less than a month, my family has had to deal with bullying issues at my daughter’s school, a sprained ankle and the holiday celebrations in between the regular work life.

That’s only with one child.

Although it feels like I’ve tried everything, balance is such an out-of-reach concept.

It means scheduling a hair appointment for after-work, only to get home in time to tuck my daughter to bed. Meeting with friends is the same. I have to cram most of my invites within the same weekend round or monthly, so as to not be too much out-and-about. Take that and add the work/networking, and like could be overwhelming. Childcare is too costly of an option, while dragging her around with me is a gamble. Last time I took her to a local networking event, someone mentioned how much she was being.

So how does a full-time working mom really balance work, the personal (friends, solo/relaxing activities, etc.) and family life?

I’m still working it out. However, the trials by error could do get you at some point. This week we’ll be posting stories on how several YUMs get it done. We’ll also see if there are some best practices to follow. For some it means requesting that flexible work schedule, other it could be freelancing and working things out until finding their groove. Regardless of how it gets done, we all have to work towards and believe that some sort of balance is possible.

As usual, follow the conversation on Twitter w/ #YUMbalance and let us know how you stay balanced.

Young Urban Moms’ co-founder, Carolina Pichardo, is a digital marketer by day, writer and community activist by night, and mom to Lulu always. You can reach her at c.pichardo@youngurbanmoms.com or on Twitter @c_pichardo.

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This isn’t an article on how to make your New Year’s resolutions, or even a recap of the year we’re leaving behind. This is a piece of renewal. It’s a reminder that the best, most effective way of changing is to fully support what we’re trying to do.

It’s about making a decision and finding ways – no matter what – of how to make it stick.

So what does it mean to get renewed?

For me, it means adjusting my focus to better my career and family life. It means reminding myself to get my hair done a few times a month, get a pedicure or read a great new book. It means having dinner with my family, and reading to my daughter each night. It means plugging in the iTouch to Pandora, singing like a fool and making sure the curtains are closed so that no one could peak at my impression of Beyonce. It’s also about catching up with friends, whether at a local lounge, on Facebook or Twitter.

It simply means aligning myself with those small things that are immensely important to me. That’s my support.

Here are some other activities/events I regularly schedule to keep me on track. What are some of your renewing/support techniques?

1. List of Escapes: This list consists of places that allow me to get away from it all. It could be anything from the spa or museum, to something less expensive like the library or a park. The point is to get out of my space and routine.

2. Family + Friends: Most of my family lives outside the city, so we make it an adventure to visit them at least once a month. We also take advantage of local get-togethers and birthday parties to touch base with friends. There’s nothing more renewing, for example, than randomly meeting friends and seeing their growing family!

3. Create Hobbies: I am a “jack of all trades” type. It used to bother me before, but I’ve learned to embrace my dabbling nature. I don’t stress not being able to finish stuff or make it Etsy-perfect. If that knitting projects is causing more stress than necessary, then it’s not a renewal port. Start over, maybe something new… Better yet, find a real hobby; one that you enjoy doing. That’s the point.

4. Live with the Seasons: Here’s one tip I’ve learned to follow on my own and found it to work wonders. I live by the seasons. I create projects, plan trips, stock up on recipes, change our curtains/shades, buy new toothbrushes and renew most household items with the seasons. Again, it’s about not renewing and using this time to take stock of life.

5. Don’t Give Up: I disregard starting points: January 1st, March 15th or August 7th. If I need to get something done, I do my best to get it done. That means time is of essence with everything I do, and as long as I take advantage of that – each New Year will be as exciting as the next.

P.S. For more on completing your 2012 goals and getting RENEWED, join New Latina’s FREE 4-Week Renewal Challenge E-Course! Each week, New Latina will offer you tips, resources and more expert information to help you achieve your dreams.

Young Urban Moms’ co-founder, Carolina Pichardo, is a digital marketer by day, writer and community activist by night, and mom to Lulu always. You can reach her at c.pichardo@youngurbanmoms.com or on Twitter @c_pichardo.

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During one of my frenzied periods of reading nothing but parenting books, I remember finding this quote: “Parenting is a long goodbye.”

I don’t remember where I read it, or what exactly was the topic, but it stuck to me through the many years ahead.

When my daughter took her first few steps, her 1st birthday, the tooth fairy and hearing of course – her few words.

I wonder often whether I was doing a good enough job. Will she be ready to go off on her own? But most importantly, whether I – myself – was prepared to let her go.

There have been moments when I don’t think I will be… Like the other day, for example, when I tried cutting her food and she gently took the knife and fork away from me. Also, how recently she’s requested going to see “Justin Bieber, Black Eyed Peas or anything else,” simply because museum trips and local, kid concerts aren’t her thing anymore. She has an attitude now, smarter responses… And, these days, who really dares forget her age? “I’m ten already.”

Yes, my heart sinks a little when she pushes back and phases out of certain activities.

Like when she phased out of enjoying her favorite program, Dora the Explorer. There was nothing big about it.

One day, I noticed she simply stopped watching it.

“Isn’t Dora on?” I asked.
“Yeah…”
“Well, you don’t want to watch it?”
“Nah,” she said with a shrug. “I think I’ve seen everything Dora already.”

With that, she kept turning the channels before turning off the television and running off to play.

Maybe that’s how this long goodbye will be. No big deal or confetti-styled celebration, but simply a phased out process that will be waiting to happen.

Until then, I’ll continue letting go of the things she’s gradually letting go (Dora was harder on me than on her) and wait until it’s my turn in this process.

Young Urban Moms’ co-founder, Carolina Pichardo, is a digital marketer by day, writer and community activist by night, and mom to Lulu always. You can reach her at c.pichardo@youngurbanmoms.com or on Twitter @c_pichardo.

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“I need a new toilet seat,” she yelled out from the hallway. “How on earth does someone break a toilet seat?,” I said. She simply yelled back, “It happens when they’re cheap!” It was probably fifth to hundredth time she’d told me this already, but then again – that’s just my mother.

Whether it’s complaining about her commute from home, the cashier that didn’t give her the right change, or getting her pocket-picked while holding the door for her pocket-picker, she’s just as random as they come. So are her stories, which always begin with the purposeful: “You would never believe what happened today…”

This was all I could think about during our holiday shopping trip to Home Depot: the toilet seat.

Although to this day only a few bits and pieces of that toilet story has emerged, it’s the pieces that demonstrate how dedicated my mother is to her home. She’s the fixer and do-it-yourself type. Recently, she put up a series of shelves in her kitchen. That, among her tailored couches and carpeted the floors, are the projects that keep her going. Heck, she was the one who placed that lopsided toilet seat too.

“Maybe we could get her a new lamp too,” my daughter’s father – Luis – said. I knew he was thinking about the last time he visited and she was doing a balancing act on a wobbly, wooden chair to change the light bulb in the hallway.

I nodded and said, “How about your sister… Did she ever replace that iron?” Luis laughed. My sister-in-law managed to break the tip of her iron. Don’t ask us how. Apparently, she was in a rush ironing, dashed off to get something and the iron just toppled over. We have yet to hear of an iron that breaks from a fall, but the broken tip to this one sealed her story.

“Who else?” he asked.

This led us to think about other pieces of stories from loved ones, which only came alive as we walked down the Home Depot aisles. Like our daughter’s biggest wish for a new bedroom makeover. “We could start it now,” I said. “But really with the pink and orange thing she wants,” Luis said half-convinced. “Let’s start with something pinkish,” I responded while picking up the Behr Premium Plus’ eggshell sample. There were also the poinsettias for my aunt. She didn’t have room for a tree in her tiny, one-bedroom apartment, but wanted something extremely festive nonetheless. “Something colorful or made out of pine,” she said, waving her hands and arms before her. “Poinsettias for Tia will do,” I said and picked up the brightest set on the plant stand.

Aisle by aisle, with some stories here and there, our shopping list was complete.

Learn more about our shopping trip experience + other fellow bloggers on Twitter with #FiestasHomeDepo.

Now It’s Your Turn to Win: Home Depot is offering you a chance to win a $50 Home Depot Gift Card for all your holiday needs and stories too!

Please visit www.homedepot.com/holiday and comment on our post with something you learned on their site. There are more than 1,500 products online, including 1,000 items that are only available online. For more, be sure to follow The Home Depot on Twitter @HomeDepot and Facebook.com/homedepot.

Giveaway is only open to U.S. entries only and must 18 years + up. Ends 12/11 at 11:59pm EST.

Disclosure: This is part of a compensated campaign with Latina Mom Bloggers and The Home Depot. The Home Depot works with bloggers such as myself to conduct product reviews. They do not tell bloggers what to say about their products or how to say it. The Home Depot fundamentally believes that people should be free to form their own opinions and share them in their own words. The Home Depot often provides product – free of charge – to bloggers for review as they did for this post. The Home Depot’s policies align with WOMMA Ethics Code, FTC guidelines and social media engagement recommendations. The Home Depot provided me with a gift card to shop for the holidays and post my experience. All opinions expressed in this article are my own and not influenced in any way by anyone.

So I have a diva of a daughter. She’s sassy, active and loud. Most importantly, she’s healthy and sharp.

Because of her personality, I’ve been accused of everything in the book.

I give her too much. I give her too little. I’m too overprotective. I shouldn’t be so overprotective. She’s spoiled.

There’s even the dire prediction that she’s going to go and become a young mom, like me…

This criticism has gotten me into arguments with family and friends, and has made raising her feel like a crazy landmine. I’ve never known the exact boundaries, whether I was overstepping them or completely missing the point. So I did the best that I could do – and only kept on doing.

Yes, we go to a lot of events and concerts. But we also volunteer at local nursing homes, visit sick friends and family, and celebrate the good, bad and small stuff with everyone in our lives. Yes, she had several birthday party celebrations. But that was on top of the random pizza parties, brunch dates and playdates in the park that we do other days during the year.

I don’t know when doing too much is too much. However, it’s the best way I know how to parent. It’s in building these experiences that I get to know her, myself and how we best grow together.

I’m not going to make excuses for it, because maybe I am horribly spoiling her.

But I’m not fearful of the outcome.

I only want what every parents wants, which is for their child to be happy, strong and themselves.

Even if she makes the same mistake of becoming a young parent.

Young Urban Moms’ co-founder, Carolina Pichardo, is a digital marketer by day, writer and community activist by night, and mom to Lulu always. You can reach her at c.pichardo@youngurbanmoms.com or on Twitter @c_pichardo.

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There are few things in life that we remember and think back on fondly – the birth of our kids, first kiss, wedding day… These are those moments that we carry with us, ready to tell and retell anyone that’s willing to listen (or not).

But what is a memory?

We drink ginkgo biloba, post millions of pictures on Facebook, and save souvenirs/momentos of these events to hold on to that piece of time. It’s the dolls, gum wrappers, pictures and videos, and basically – anything – that will take you back to that moment in time. When it was cold, November day and you took your daughter to Times Square with her best friend to enjoy a random, fun meeting of the best blogging minds. It is probably this post that will come back to you years and years from now when your grandchildren (or great-grandchildren) join you and ask: “What was mom doing when this happened?”

And as the sounds, smell and feel from that day return, you’ll be ready to tell your story.

Thank you to Piera Jolly of Latina Mom Bloggers for putting together the #LatinaMoms #DisneyMemories event in New York City. Also, a shout/out to all the amazing Latina bloggers that participated – especially to Angelica Perez of New Latina!

Young Urban Moms’ co-founder, Carolina Pichardo, is a digital marketer by day, writer and community activist by night, and mom to Lulu always. You can reach her at c.pichardo@youngurbanmoms.com or on Twitter @c_pichardo.